We’re three episodes in, Jon, and we’re still waiting for you to save the country.
In episode 1 you spent most of the show criticizing Biden’s age and just a couple of minutes touching on the wannabe dictator looking to return to power by pretty much any means necessary.
For episode 2 you gave us plenty on Tucker, and sure, we all can’t stand Tucker – he’s like a conglomerate of every 80s movie snob with an extra scooping of racism and a little classism on top.
Then came episode 3, wherein you proposed a solution to the war in Gaza that would surely please Hamas, then spent several minutes on your dog – AND NONE ON TRUMP.
Now, I like dogs, I really do. Much more than cats (who we all know are evil). But why we all had to be subjected to a five-minute cryathon from Jon Stewart about his dog is beyond me. What purpose did it serve?
I know this is not what I’m supposed to say: we’re all supposed to feel bad when someone cries on TV and feel especially bad when they’ve lost their dog.
But I propose that unless you’re a blind vet the dog tended to for a decade or a child under five – or unless the dog saved you in the middle of a gun battle – you should not cry when a dog dies.
I know – I’m a terrible person. I’m supposed to have been touched by Stewart’s waterworks. Instead I kept hoping Don Corleone would pop out, grab him, give him a good shake, and yell, “You could act like a man!”
Or a woman. Because they also shouldn’t cry, especially on TV. It doesn’t make you a good person; it just makes you kind of pathetic.
Now, I’m not saying that crying isn’t understandable in certain circumstances. But Jon, you lost a dog, not a child. And we’re about to lose the country. Maybe it’s time to be a little more adult about things.
I know Olbermann’s written you off, Jon (despite also being a dog-lover). And that other liberals are fed-up with your both-sidesism and seeming inability to properly assess the situation (e.g. understating the importance of this election at the end of episode 1). But I still have hope for you, Jonny boy; I still look in those beautiful blue eyes and see good; I still believe in you.
So please, go in a room and cry for a week or two about your dog. And then come out, slap some water on your face, and wake up to reality.