“Oops, I Did It Again!”

Pete Hegseth headlines the most incompetent administration in history.

In case you missed it, it turns out that Pete Hegseth has been having text with just about everyone. Maybe that’s what happens when you drink too much.

As the New York Times reported yesterday, the secretary of defense had a completely separate ill-advised group chat with yet another grouping of idiots on March 15, which he figured it was Ok to share classified military information about the attack on the Houthis with. Once again the sharing was done on Signal – an appropriate app for Hegseth in ways, since his use of it signals, beyond any doubt, that he’s a putz.

Included in the chat were his wife Jennifer, a Fox “News” producer; Hegseth’s brother Phil; his lawyer, Tim Parlatore; and probably the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. At this point I’m a bit disappointed that I wasn’t invited. Pete, next time you’re going to have a bombing announcement party, please call me. I make a great cheesecake and am willing to bake my way in.

The Times noted, “Mr. Hegseth’s brother Phil and Tim Parlatore, who continues to serve as his personal lawyer, both have jobs in the Pentagon, but it is not clear why either would need to know about upcoming military strikes aimed at the Houthis in Yemen.”

Yes, not very clear at all. But I think I can clarify: Hegseth is like a twelve-year-old who just got keys to daddy’s car: he shouldn’t be talking but he can’t help but tell everyone.

The secretary of defense organized the chat and included some thirteen other people in it, naming it “Defense | Team Huddle,” I suppose because “Free Sensitive Information for Our Enemies” was just too long.

You can expect the predictable lines from Hegseth, Karoline Leavitt, and the rest of the administration about how the mistake wasn’t actually a mistake and “this is just the libs and lame-stream media making something out of nothing,” all of which will soon follow. Though at this point even Trump has to be considering if and when to toss Hegseth under the bus and replace him with another lackey (lackey being certainly the most fitting term, by the way, since, to be in the administration, they have to lack brains, integrity, and any sense of decency).

Yet Hegseth’s oopsie wasn’t the only one in the news over the past few days. We also learned that the list of demands sent to Harvard, which caused the university to reject the Trump administration’s educational interference, was apparently sent in error. Another Trump idiot, it seems, Sean Keveny, the acting general counsel of the Department of Health and Human Services, sent it off by mistake, without the consent of the other two idiots, Josh Gruenbaum, a General Services Administration official, and Thomas Wheeler, the Department of Education’s acting counsel, with whom Keveny was working alongside.

The Times described the comedy of errors that then followed: “Shortly thereafter, Mr. Gruenbaum called one of Harvard’s lawyers, according to two people with knowledge of the calls. At first he said he and Mr. Wheeler had not authorized the sending of the letter. Mr. Gruenbaum then slightly changed his story, saying the letter was supposed to be sent at some point, just not on Friday when the dialogue between the two sides was still constructive, one of the people said.”

So Gruenbaum, evidently receiving word that the administration would not back down after this false declaration of war, had to then reverse himself and say, essentially, “Actually, we did it mean it! So THERE!” – like an eight-year-old taking back an apology.

I’m kind of surprised these three didn’t start a Signal chat to get all the details on their extortion attempt ironed out. I mean, Al Capone and Lucky Luciano and their ilk had to act with a certain amount of discretion, but this time the mob thugs are in charge of the government, so why be so secretive?

The ones in the Pentagon and national security apparatus who are supposed to know how to shut-up are talking and the ones who are supposed to talk can’t seem to communicate. Simple solution, maybe: have them switch jobs. Neither group could probably do worse than they are doing in their current positions, so how much could it hurt?

As for another ongoing “oops”: the Trump administration seems to be in full smear mode when it comes to Kimlar Abrego Garcia. Some things to note here from the start: First, Garcia hasn’t been a perfect human being. A police report and his wife’s own admission indicate that he hit her. As for him being a member of MS-13, it’s a definite maybe, though he’s never been convicted of a crime and his membership in the gang is somewhat speculative (though it is true, as Trump alleged, that two judges deemed his membership likely after hearing confidential information). In fact, considering that Garcia has claimed he had to flee El Salvador due to pressures from one of MS-13’s rivals, Barrio-18, and considering the observance by one expert that “chequeo” (which is what an informant called Garcia’s rank in the gang) means that someone is a recruit, I think it’s entirely possible that maybe Garcia linked up with MS-13 just to keep himself safe and then later distanced himself.

Or maybe he didn’t. I don’t know and neither does anyone else, it seems.

The truth, though, is that it shouldn’t matter, because due process rights should apply regardless of whether he’s Ted Bundy or Mother Cabrini. That’s how the law works and what we should believe in as a people.

The important thing here is that the Trump administration lawyers admitted in court that this guy was sent to El Salvador in error. So why is he still there? It’s not funny. It’s not a joke. Bring him back. Immediately. If he’s a member of MS-13 and has committed crimes, try him for those crimes. But we don’t send people away to prison and throw away the key based merely on suspicion.

This isn’t just about Garcia; it’s about us and who we are. And anyone who tells you this is alright because Garcia is a bad guy; or that it’s alright what happened to Mahmoud Khalil because he had distasteful views; or that due process should only apply to American citizens, doesn’t really understand the principles on which our republic has stood for many years. And which we’re now, unfortunately, abandoning.

Don’t abandon me, dear reader! If you like this story, please pass it on to a friend. Maybe Pete Hegseth – check if he’s in your group chat.

Postscript:

After this was first published, Kristi Noem announced another “Oops!” to CNN, admitting that her purse, with her DHS security badge and $3,000 in cash, was stolen as she dined at a restaurant.

Like me, you’re probably going, “How the fuck…?” and wondering why we would entrust our security to someone who can’t even manage to keep track of her purse. Let’s not be surprised if we learn later that she had other sensitive information in there as well - because morons are awful good at stupidity - it’s what they do.

As a side-note: Can you imagine how utterly befuddled the thief must be right now, wondering how he managed to swipe the bag of the secretary of Homeland Security? Befuddled and shitting his pants, because this will probably be the most sought-after purse in history, and the last thing a purse-snatcher wants is to have Homeland Security, the FBI, and every police officer in the area after him.

It’s like the guy who robbed mob boss Vincent Gigante’s mother: talk about stepping into a pile of shit.

But maybe this purse-snatcher did us a favor by making it abundantly clear that a woman who is so heartless as to shoot a dog and boast about it, is also too stupid and self-centered to pay attention to details, like where she left her purse or what is legal and what is not.